Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He felt like a one man threesome
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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