come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
