so explain again why im purple
no
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
