if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I need moral support for this bender
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
