I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
