I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
