i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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