well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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