My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
