She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
