Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I deserve this hangover.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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