She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
They took my balls.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
