I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
