A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
