When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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