when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
soo... how was my night?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
