So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize