you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
