I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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