my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
