Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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