i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
wow bdsm is so cute
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
