capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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