She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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