Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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