We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
