you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
