Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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