I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
