I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
