They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
