Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
