My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
