just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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