So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
