Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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