We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
