you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
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I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
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just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..