I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed