Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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