I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
