I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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