Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
my poor anus
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
