I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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