he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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