sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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