i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
