There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize