Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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