we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
