Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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