Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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