why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
