My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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