Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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