So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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