so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
