it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Who died my cat blue again?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
