kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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