you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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