I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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