My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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