i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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