I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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