I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
