On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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