I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
how do flat chested girls get laid?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
