Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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