I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
