Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Randomize
