Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
