I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
