my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
high people should be assigned attendants
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
