Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
