but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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