my vag is so smooth its legendary
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
