Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he thought i was a dude.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
