Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
