my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
