exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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