i think my tv is drunk
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
