hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
