I wish I only lived at night.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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