someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
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I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
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I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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