Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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