I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
