Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Pants are for mortals
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