Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
