I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
