Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
