You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
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When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
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Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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